Recently I’ve an intensified deep, long, introspective look, a flame in the wind, sometimes raging, sometimes a few sparks, but always there, always burning. While in the Sigma Phi Epsilon fraternity I was taught that balance is the key to a happy, fulfilling life. The balance thing doesn’t work for me (doesn’t for Mark Zuckerberg’s sis either). It seems balance is an unachievable, utopian goal forever out of reach. Balance is a proliferation of the exact problem I have wrestled with my whole life- being good at many things, great at nothing. Balance sucks! Honestly, greatness doesn’t even matter, what matters is giving your whole self to a few, select things that truly make you happy, it’s not about being the best, it’s just about the pureness of doing what you love, having natural talent for it is just a plus.
The worst thing of all? When you have a pretty fricken’ amazing life and that insatiable itch is still there. Incredible marriage, great job, great place to live, great health, great relationship with God, great friends and family, it’s all incredible! I am so grateful! But there’s something missing and it’s not going away. I was told the wrong thing growing up. The wrong recipe. The right advice would have been find what you love, hyper-specialize and go crazy, not do what is logical, reliable, secure, safe. Safe is fricken death. Pursing safety, once again, is impossible. If safety and security was the key to happiness all of us would be miserable pursuing the impossible.
I have no problem taking risks. I have no problem putting all my resources and energy into something, I don’t fear failure, but one thing that just kills me is not knowing what the hell it is! I’m going to eventually find it and when I do, oh baby, it is on.